One of the of the hugest secrets we strive to keep is a sense of autonomy and self-esteem. The concept or emotion that you are important in some special way, that you are adored by a unique person, that somebody is giving you distinctive attention, these are some of the ego’s very subtle secrets. We are striving to hide our Divine Self and are playing all these varied games, which seem to be very upsetting. It is rather depressing and it really doesn’t go anywhere, so we endeavor to get scraps of unique love, attention and acclaim to prop ourselves up.
We labor so hard at becoming “improved people”, at acquiring greater intelligence and more skills. We want to be liked more and be more famous. The entire self-help industry is focused on enhancing the self so you can grow into a better you. That is another trick we secretly engage on ourselves, thinking we have to keep turning our wheels trying to become better. This self-improvement game is another secret we can to learn to let go of. It is very calming when you start to realize that you do not have to turn into any better than you already are. You were made perfect. It is not through self-improvement that you find tranquility but through self-acceptance.
As I engaged with A Course in Miracles, I could observe that there was a fear of divine love in my mind. I realized this was the ego’s apprehension of losing itself. The ego is afraid of being revealed and being seen as a puff of nothingness. That is the dread of intimacy. We speak about this terror in relationships, which is sometimes depicted as fear of sexual intimacy, but it is really a dread of dropping our persona, our mask of distinctiveness. It is the terror of getting swept away by a magnificent love, a love so intense that none of us can even envision something as splendid and mighty!
For me, those are the big secrets, because it doesn’t start off with this great awareness. It always starts with feeling like you have done something incorrect, whether you’ve pleasured yourself, swiped something, mistreated somebody, or there is something in your mind that you have deemed as so ghastly that you don’t even want to face it, you just want to forget about it and push it out of awareness.
Beneath all those reminiscences and thoughts, is the belief that we are separated. This is the “secret” we hide. It really is an unattainable belief, but we assume that it is true; We have judged it as horrific and have pushed it out of consciousness. All unconscious guilt comes from this belief in separation. And as you really offer yourself over to the miracle, you feel all those hidden beliefs and secrets are being washed away and you finally encounter this hidden belief in disunion!
Please, share any ideas and observations with me below, I’d love to hear about your encounter!
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